


Beneath The Words

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-29
Updated: 2009-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-04 01:40:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/705018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Today, he told me he was leaving. He looked me in the eyes and gave me the most apologetic smile I've ever seen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beneath The Words

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt[s]: 0034: Today he told me he was leaving. For **prompt_rotation**  
>  Beta Readers: kawaiikyo, witheringwhite  
> Song[s]: "Peace Love And Understanding" by A Perfect Circle

Die's POV

Today, he told me he was leaving. He looked me in the eyes and gave me the most apologetic smile I've ever seen. And when he walked out the door of the studio, it was all I could do not to run after him, not to follow him and beg him to stay. After all, it was his decision to make, not mine. It had been a long time coming, something we'd all seen hidden in the shadows of his eyes when he couldn't quite look at us, told through the way he stood apart from the rest of us for so many years.

What I didn't expect was that I'd be the only one he actually told. The others had to ask me where he'd gone and I could only tell them "away", because that was all I knew. Minutes turned into hours inside my mind and when I found myself still standing there, staring out the window into the darkness, tears streaming down my face in silent testament to my feelings, a few things finally slipped into place. So long, I'd harbored feelings for him that I never could quite work out. And for so long, I wanted nothing but to somehow work my way closer to him. Yet, I never did it. I never made the leap that I needed to in order to get what I wanted.

Perhaps a greater shock than him leaving was the revelation that I was honestly in love with him. Head over heals, fall down stupid, in love. And when it hit me, it hit me like a semi-truck from the darkness.

Hours passed before a warm hand came to rest on my shoulder, a voice so familiar ringing in my ears. "Die..." a pause to ensure I was at least paying attention to him, and then, "go after him." Simple words... simpler to say than to act upon, but all the same, exactly what he knew I needed to hear. A light squeeze of his hand on my shoulder and then he was gone, as if he'd never been standing beside me, preaching to me in his own simple way.

Maybe it was me who was blind. Maybe it had always been that way.

Wiping the tears from my eyes, I turned away from the window, letting reality settle back in on me with the weight of the world following just behind. My steps were slow, though sure, as I left the building and got into my car. It didn't take me long to find the path to his apartment, only a simple fifteen minute drive to his neighborhood. Everything had been going achingly slow, but now it felt like it was in fast forward, stuck there by some idiot that didn't know any better than to keep the button pressed down while trying to watch their show.

My heart was pounding in my chest when I arrived at his door, a lump in my throat big enough to cut off my air supply. I reached out, my fingers grazing over the wood of the door before I gathered the necessary courage to knock. When the door opened, the feeling of inability to breathe, to function, only furthered itself. The inside of the apartment was barren, devoid of anything that had once symbolized Kyo in my mind. Yet the very man I was seeking, stood in front of me, a duffle bag on his shoulder and a look in his eyes that told me of his confusion.

If it had been anyone else, I wouldn't have let them see my emotions the way I let him while I stood there on his doorstep. The tears welled up and slowly slid down my cheeks though no sound escaped my lips. My fingers came out to slip across his jaw, over his cheek and into his hair, holding tightly as I stepped forward and did the only thing I could think to do. I kissed him. I kissed him with all my worth, with everything I had inside me, every emotion I'd ever felt for him. Anger, betrayal, love, lust, and broken-heartedness.

He just stood there and let me, his head tiled back by the way I was holding his hair fisted in my hand, eyes closed as he waited me out. When I pulled away - fingers stroking through his hair rather than pulling like I had been a moment before, eyes pleading with him to understand - he only watched me. "Are you done?"

To anyone else, it would have been harsh and been meant as a brush-off. But to me, it wasn't like that at all. The words rang differently in my ears... they always had. Everything he ever said came across in one way to me and another to everyone else. They saw him as abrasive and uncaring while I saw the reasons for it all hiding underneath. A proposition to make me think, to push me to do what I couldn't otherwise accomplish without the push forward.

"No... no, I'm not." Words spoken in truth, just as blunt as his own.

A slight smile turned his lips upward before he stood back, letting me into the barren apartment. The door closed behind us, a gentle click, almost as if it were afraid to interrupt whatever was happening between us. "So... out with it, then." The duffle bag he'd been holding hit the floor and he leaned back against the cream-colored wall, arms loosely crossed over his chest, obscuring the design on his t-shirt.

My tongue slid out, wetting my lips and then I just tossed my cards on the table, reckless because I needed to know... had to make him understand where I stood in all of this. "Fourteen years, Kyo... fourteen years I've been the only one willing to listen to everything you've ever said, the only one to find what you really meant to be found in your words. Every down you've ever had, I've been there for you, right by your side. And every up, I've been there to cheer you on." I paused, a hand running through my hair while a rough sigh left my lips. My eyes met his own. "There's always been one reason for that. Just one."

His eyes burned darker than I'd seen them in a long time, but still he said nothing, simply staring at me, waiting on me to get on with whatever my point was in the end.

"I love you. And I know you don't believe in love, that you think it's just something people make up to comfort themselves, to latch onto in times of need. But I believe in it. I always have. And you.... _you_ have always been the one I've loved." Somehow I managed to put a conviction into my words that made him open his eyes and see it the way I did... to see him the way I did.

A certain feeling flitted about in the air between us, undefined and slightly uncomfortable, but not enough so that I wanted to leave. Finally, he looked back up at me and nodded a little in seeming agreement. "Okay. But your reason for telling me this now is...?"

My answer was automatic, unstoppable. "I can't lose you. Not now, not ever. I know if you walk out that door right this moment, I'll never see you again. And I just... I can't let that happen."

The part I never expected was that he then reached out for me, drawing me closer to the warmth of his body, arching into me as his hand slid into my hair. When our lips met, it was something else, something new and exciting. The electricity that ran through my body just from his simple touch was more than enough to continue pushing me into action. I kissed him like I'd never kissed anyone before, in a manner that told him more than my words ever could... and he returned it just the same.

Time stretched between us in that hallway, growing and changing, developing in a whole new way. And even when we parted, lips slick with saliva, eyes on fire with a mutual passion, one thing was clear in the air. He wouldn't leave me, not now, not ever. He'd only needed me to tell him the truth, to let my words overflow.

Today, he told me he wasn't leaving... that he'd never leave so long as I wanted him in my life. And just like that, everything changed.

**The End**  



End file.
